Happiness is easy to come by; it all depends on where you habitually place your focus. If you consistently ask yourself questions designed to give an answer that will make you unhappy, you’ll always be unhappy.
Questions like, ‘Why do bad things always happen to me?’ Your brain will always find the answers to these types of questions even when there is no foundation to them.
Is it really that surprising to you when you ask yourself why bad things always happen to you that you’re unhappy? Do bad things really happen to you all the time or do they happen to you sometimes, about as much as they do to everyone.
The questions you ask yourself on a regular basis affect the quality of your life, they affect whether you are happy, sad, depressed, euphoric. I have come up with a couple of questions that are designed to make you happy if you ask them often enough. When you find yourself in a bad situation replace the questions you normally ask yourself with “what’s good about this?” and you’ll start to notice the difference in just a few days.
At first your reaction will mostly be “nothing”, if it is, ask yourself this, “if I could find something good about this what would it be”. Don’t stop asking until you have at least three things that are good about the situation. There’s always something good about every situation no matter how bad it is.
I once read a true story about a woman whose husband was murdered by a couple of men who had just been released from prison and couldn’t handle it on the outside. The men walked into a petrol station with a gun and opened fire on anyone they could see. A random shooting. After the shooting, the two men went straight to the police station and turned themselves in, all because they just wanted to go back to prison.
Do you think it is possible to take anything good from this? The wife of one of those who was murdered did, she started a charity to help people overcome loss and has since helped a lot of people. I personally can’t imagine anything worse than losing my wife especially in such a horrific way so if she can find a positive meaning from such a horrible experience, anyone can.
Another question you should ask yourself every morning when you wake up is “What am I grateful for?”.
This is a fantastic question; it focuses your mind on what is good in your life. At first you may be faced with the same response as the first question, you will automatically say to yourself “nothing”. Again, ask yourself if I could be grateful for something what it would be. Don’t stop until you have at least three reasons you have to be grateful.
There is another rule to this one, you need to write them down, review them every day and you can’t come up with the same answer for at least 30 days. By the end of the 30 days you will have 90 reasons to be grateful for your life.
Just imagine for a minute what this will do for you when you have 90 reason s to be grateful. How will you feel when you’re reviewing these reasons? If you do this every day you’ll be making these positive feelings a habit. It only takes about 26 days to rewire your brain, so if you do this for 30 days at least there will be noticeable results.
What usually happens next is your friends and family start to notice and comment which then reinforces what you are doing as good and makes you want to carry on, in doing so you become happier still. It’s an ever-increasing spiral.
It takes conscious effort at first to break the habit of unhappiness, you have to want to be happy, and you have to do this for yourself and not someone else. Start to make happiness a habit today, these questions are a good start but be aware of all the questions you are asking yourself.
If you catch yourself asking a question that can only be answered with a negative response, reframe it so the outcome of the question is positive and you will be well on your way to making happiness a habit.